Justification?

[psab keel]

There are several key things here:

1. You can build them together if it's an interest she shares.

2. If she has no interest in the hobby you can simply both agree that you each have your own hobbies, that satisfy one another's interests and goals.

3. If she doesn't get it, and wants you to sell them all then she is likely not a good match for you. (This being the extreme case of course.) Even if she isn't into it, she can understand that you are, and respects that it means something to you. Just as she expects that you can respect her need or desire to fulfill whatever hobbies she has. Regardless of whether or not it means anything to you, you offer your support to show her that you care about her. If she doesn't show the same respect for your need for a hobby then she is probably not someone you would want to get too serious with.

Basically it boils down to how healthy the relationship is. If you can't find common ground then is it really a relationship worth being in? You can share interests, but it's just important to each have your own interests as well.

Even if you tease one another about each other's hobbies, as long as there is that respect then everyone wins!

[Amanita]

Here's what I don't get. If a girl pressures a guy to get rid of his sabers, paintball stuff, sports cards, or whatever else he enjoys, it's okay. She's "helping him grow up and get rid of that childish stuff" or some other BS. It's okay or even expected for a wife or girlfriend to act like some sort of surrogate "mother hen" in that regard.
But if a guy were to pressure a woman to pare down her massive shoe or handbag collection, then he would be percieved as some sort of mouth-breather who "doesn't get it". What gives? Is being obscessed with shoes or purses really THAT much more mature than saber building or other hobbies?

I remember one talk show, where a girl had just moved in with a guy. He had a whole room full of sports cards in boxes. She wanted space for her stuff. So one weekend while the guy was out, she sold his entire collection for a paltry sum- something like $250. A guy pulled up in a pickup truck and took the lot. Even if most of the cards in those boxes were worthless, I imagine there were enough good ones there that the $250 was only a small fraction of what they were worth. Most of the people on this talk show didn't see anything wrong with what this lady did, even though it was essentially theft- taking and disposing of the guy's property without permission. Not to mention a very hurtful and mean thing to do to one's S/O, going behind their back like that, or messing with something they care about.
Now, if the genders were reversed- a guy secretly selling his girlfriend's bloated shoe collection for pennies on the dollar for his own selfish reasons, I am sure that everyone on the show would have been calling for his crucifixion, saying that he was a controlling butthole who needed to be dumped and strung up at a crossroads.

FYI- I'm female. I don't "Get" other females who try to take away all of their boyfriend's fun hobbies and activities. I understand insisting that the guy pay his share of the bills before buying toys. I understand wanting the guy to contribute his fair share to looking after the house and family, and no, watching his own kids is not "babysitting". I believe that both sides should meet their responsibilities and pull their weight. But aside from that, what's wrong with some seperate interests and hobbies?
Now, if the guy was spending almost ALL of his time and money on sabers, paintball, etc, and was neglecting his SO, his family, or his other responsibilities, then I would see the girlfriend's point in telling him to cool it. But as long as a guy looks after his financial obligations, makes time to be with his SO or family, and generally pulls his weight, what's wrong with having some fun?

[Shadar Al'Niende]

@ Amanita:

Couldn't have said it better myself... I dare say a standing ovation is in order lol

[ComdtJustin]

Agreed! *stands and claps*

[Amanita]

The other thing I was thinking last night while talking about this with another lady who thinks like I do- that line of thinking I mentioned, where it's okay or expected for a girl to nag a guy and generally take his fun things away, that's downright insulting to BOTH genders!

It's insulting to men- it implies that men are irresponsible Peter Pan types who just don't wanna grow up, and have to be pushed or forced to give up their fun and become "real men" for their own good. It's also demeaning to women- It forces us ladies into the role of disciplinarian, killjoy, wet blanket, and nag. It places a massive burden on us- that those men will just never grow up and leave never-neverland unless WE make them. The burden of making men grow up is now all on us, never mind the guy taking responsibility for himself.
To heck with being loving partners, consorts or collaboraters. We women are supposed to be disciplinarians and mother hens instead.
To heck with that!
If I wanted to be a "Mom", I would have had kids.