Okay, I have well and truly "buttered my toast" - gone so far as to rewire everything (changing parts out for different parts as well), including the battery, piece by piece, to eliminate possibilities one by one. There remains exactly one thing I haven't tried yet, and that's setting the configs to momentary and hooking a momentary up to the ignition switch pads. I suspect I may have damaged the "number one" pad in my initial soldering, based on everything I've done so far, but I lack the three extra arms I'd need to hold the multimeter and card